


The Dare

by durgasdragon



Series: Favourable Bachelor Series [5]
Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-19
Updated: 2011-01-19
Packaged: 2017-10-14 21:39:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/153713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/durgasdragon/pseuds/durgasdragon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Iruka is out for blood.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Dare

**Author's Note:**

  * For [KitatheSpaz](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=KitatheSpaz).



> Fifth in the FB series

  
  
**The Dare**   
  


_Disclaimer: This is a purely fan-made piece that is using the world and characters from Masashi Kishimoto’s_ Naruto _and is made entirely for enjoyment. No financial gain has been made in the making of this piece_

 _Summary: Iruka is out for blood. A sequel to ‘Terms of Endearment’, but can be read alone._

 _Author’s Note: Written for KitatheSpaz. Possible out-of characterness_

 _Constructive Criticism is always welcomed_

 _Published: 28 December 2009_

 _Rating: T_

Anko took one look at Iruka and frantically made the signs for a teleportation jutsu.

She then remembered the horrifying fact that she was in the Hokage’s Tower and there were wards in place to prevent anyone from teleporting in or out.

Time for the next best thing.

She grabbed Genma and Neji and threw them at Iruka. “Genma-san’s been paying Neji-san to write his reports!” She yelled, then bolted for the windows.

Unfortunately, Iruka had learned all her moves back when they were dating and he had rigged all the windows whit charka string, manacles, and rabbits’ feet.

“Anko- _san_ ,” Iruka sounded ridiculously calm and sweet, which made everything so much _worse_. “Is there something that you’d like to tell me about the party last week?”

“It was Asuma’s fault—”

“Hey! Leave me out of this!” The bearded jounin yelped—in a completely manly way, of course—as he tried to sneak out of the room.

“—He brought the sake!” Anko yelled over him. “You know what happens when I drink too much!”

“You also know what happens when you drink too much, and yet you proceeded to drink that much, anyhow. That excuse will not save you. But you do bring up an _excellent_ point.” A kunai lodged itself in the door, preventing Asuma from creeping out. “I’ll deal with you _after_ Anko- _san_ provides a satisfactory explanation.”

Asuma hoped that Kuranai didn’t want o have any children with him, because from what he gathered from Kakashi, Iruka had regular castration fantasies. And if there was one thing that Asuma knew about Iruka, it was that he was a man of consistency.

“It will never happen again!”

“Anko- _san_ , is there anything that you would like to tell me about the party last week?”

It didn’t help matters that Iruka had dango breath. He always _could_ get her to break down in a ridiculously short period of time.

“I get stupid when I drink! You know that,” she finally started out, unable to withstand the torture any longer. “And I thought it might be good to play a game! You know, just because it was a party and games are fun and parties should be fun, so we should play games to make the party—”

“You’re digressing and stalling.”

“RIGHT! Um, so…did I mention that alcohol gives me bad ideas? Because I’m pretty sure that the alcohol was the one that suggested—after the games of Hide-and-Seek and Exploding Tags and Kill the Samurai got too destructive and violent—that we play some Truth-or-Dare, because y’know, it’s less violent? Maybe not less destructive, but less violent…”

Anko and the whole room winced as Iruka started sharpening a kunai. “Please, continue. This is all so _enlightening_. And Asuma-san, stop trying to use a genjutsu to fool me. I’ve seen your nephew do a better wall than you are currently doing.”

“Uh, well, not much really happened at that point…I mean, we dared Aoba to kiss Ibiki and to use tough and Gai said too much about that hooker in the Bear Country—”

“Anko- _chan_.”

“All right! All right! So it was my turn and I got the good idea—did I mention my relationship to alcohol yet? Because it’s import—no! Keep that noodle away from me! NOOOOO!!”

xXxXxXxXxXx

Kakashi peered over his book. There seemed to be some violent charka rolling off of Iruka. He briefly wondered if it was something he should be worried about.

But it seemed Iruka already had some chalky substance on his hands; usually it meant he’d already made someone pay.

It was really, really sexy when Iruka was pissed and full of vengeance. Some of the best sex of Kakashi’s life had occurred when Iruka was in a similar state.

Suddenly, Kakashi wasn’t interested in reading anymore.

He slithered up to Iruka. “Yo,” he murmured, curling his arms around the strong body. He nuzzled the spot right behind Iruka’s ear.

In Kakashi’s defence, he had been rather intent on seducing Iruka so all that negative energy could be redirected to something _much_ nicer, so he never saw the charka wire.

He blinked and found himself unable to move.

“Kakashi- _san_! How _good_ of you to join me!”

He wondered what he had done wrong this time; Iruka only used his name when he’d botched something up (like groped the chunin in public or laundry) and only used that tone of voice when delivering his revenge. He hadn’t done any household chores at Iruka’s recently, so it couldn’t be that…

Well, the fastest way to figure out what happened was to play along—escaping only made Iruka madder and nastier and it always resulted in Kakashi being locked out of Iruka’s apartment and there being no sex for two whole days and Kakashi’s left sandal relocating itself to a pile of dog poop every two minutes (he still hadn’t figured out how Iruka had made that jutsu).

“I am sorry. It will never happen again.” A good, sincere apology went a long way, too.

“Do you even know _what_ you’re apologising for?”

“No, but whatever it is, I’m sorry and I hope you can forgive me for it.”

“Empty, empty, empty!” Iruka scolded and shivers ran down Kakashi’s spine. Whatever it was that he did, he was in good and deep. Iruka was going to _kill_ him or—worse—never have sex with Kakashi again!

“Would _you_ care to explain that little game of Truth or Dare that seemed to have occurred at Raidou-san’s party last week?”

 _Aw, shit_. Kakashi was so in for it now. This would be it. Iruka would break up with him and he was going to have to spend the rest of his life without this perfect, lusty, wild, spastic chunin.

He hated his life.

“Anko-san had the great idea to dare me to tell Ibiki-san and Tsunade-sama all about our relationship at my next psych eval.” Delaying tactics never worked on Iruka; and anyhow, all he was doing was postponing the inevitable.

There was also the bonus that if he owed up to what he did and took Iruka’s punishment like a man, Iruka might not throw him out on his ass and end their relationship; he might have to only suffer through a day with no groping or sex or kissing.

“And you thought that it was a good idea to follow through a suggestion that Anko-san made while she was _drunk off her ass_.”

“Well…she dared me! And Gai had already completed his dare—”

“Don’t you _dare_ bring that giant green _monstrosity_ into this!”

“And I was drunk. Did I mention that part? A _lot_ of things sound like a good idea when I’m drunk. So…yeah. Anko-san dared me and then Gai took it as a challenge.”

Iruka glared. If the love of his life forgave him and didn’t break up with him, Kakashi decided that it was going to be a nasty one week because it was clear that Iruka was going to make that week a hellish one.

“So tell me _why_ —when you were _sober_ —that you still continued with it.”

 _Shit._ “Well…I couldn’t let Gai best me and I didn’t think it would bother you this much.”

“You didn’t think it would bother me.”

“Not this much, no.” Kakashi tried to look as abashed and pathetic as he could—a whipped puppy look always seemed to make Iruka a little more sympathetic to him. “Clearly, that was stupid of me.”

“Tell me this: In _what universe_ do you think it would _ever_ be okay to talk about OUR SEX LIFE during your bimonthly psych evaluations?!”

“…I thought I already explained that it was extreme lack in judgement and that I won’t do it again. Besides, Ibiki-san and Tsunade-sama already made me promise them that I’d never subject them to such torture again—”

“Torture?” The artery in Iruka’s forehead throbbed dangerously. “They called it TORTURE?!”

Kakashi felt his life flash before his eyes. “Um, well, that wasn’t _exactly_ what they said—”

“ _WHAT_ the _FUCK_ were you telling them that we were doing in the bedroom?!”

“All I said was that you were a perfect bedroom partner! That you were lusty and creative and could do this-this-this _thing_ with your stomach that—”

“And they called that _TORTURE_?!”

“Not in so many words. I mean, Tsunade-sama was clawing at her ears and shrieking and Ibiki-san kept hitting himself in the face with his clipboard—”

“How DARE they! Don’t they know that we have the largest fan club in all of Konoha?! Women are CONSTANTLY offering me money to get pictures or to tell them what we do together!” Iruka raged. “I have to sweep the apartment DAILY for bugs! How DARE they suggest that it’s TORTURE!”

Kakashi suddenly found himself released. He didn’t fall far because Iruka grabbed the front of his vest and started dragging him towards the bedroom.

“Oh, they’re going to _pay_ for that…” Iruka snarled. “And you’re going to help me punish them _properly_!”

Kakashi took an extra step forwards and cautiously nuzzled the back of Iruka’s neck. “Anything you say.”

He found himself flat on his back on the bed with Iruka hovering over him. “You’re not forgiven yet!” Despite his furious words, his brown eyes travelled.

“I didn’t expect to be, not after I—mphf!”

As Iruka ripped off their vests, Kakashi mentally breathed a sigh of relief. Iruka’s fury had been diverted to someone else and his relationship with School Teacher Sex God was still intact.

He hoped that Iruka didn’t find about the _other_ thing he had been dared to do, because he had the feeling that he wouldn’t able to divert the chunin so easily.

He had better find those pictures before Iruka did.

  
_x Fin x_   



	2. The Dare Itself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The conversation during the evaluation.

**The Dare Itself**

_Disclaimer: This is a purely fan-made piece that is using the world and characters from Masashi Kishimoto’s_ Naruto _and is made entirely for enjoyment. No financial gain has been made in the making of this piece_

 _Summary: The conversation during the evaluation. Side story to ‘The Dare’_

 _Author’s Note: I…I couldn’t stop myself. So much crack…possible out-of characterness_

 _Constructive Criticism is always welcomed_

 _Published: 28 December 2009_

 _Rating: T_

Kakashi watched as Ibiki made another note on his clipboard. He’d have to break in and read what was there later.

The interrogator took a deep breath, then moved on with the evaluation. “Section VI: Relationships.” If Kakashi didn’t know better, he would say that big man looked uncomfortable and Tsunade looked horrendously expectant.

“Are you in an intimate relationship?”

“Yes.”

“Name?”

“Umino Iruka, chunin. Number 011850. Mission Room worker and Academy Teacher. 24 years old. Blood type—”

“We’re aware of Iruka-sensei’s information,” Tsunade broke in.

“Is this your only current intimate relationship?”

“Of course. Iruka is _more_ than capable of tending to my needs, emotional, physical, psychological, and sexual.”

Ibiki shut his eyes for a moment, took another deep breath, and then continued. “How long have been intimate with your partner?”

“How intimate are we talking here? Are we talking emotionally intimate? Because that’s been about eleven months, three weeks, four days, eighteen hours, and thirty-odd minutes. Full intercourse? That’s ten months, three weeks, six days, thirteen hours, and fifteen minutes. Just sexually intimate? Ten months, three weeks, three days—”

“Thank you.” Ibiki had a slightly pained expression on his face, like he was going to have to do something that he didn’t want to do. “How…often are you intimate with your partner?”

Kakashi grinned. Here came the part he’d been waiting for. “Oh, Iruka’s game for sex almost all the time! He gets cranky if he has to go too long without an endorphin release. It helps keep him his normal, pleasant self! He likes mornings and evenings the best, so we—”

Kakashi didn’t need to see the words to know Ibiki was scrawling ‘WAY TOO MUCH’ on the evaluation sheet. “That’s enough, Hatake-san.” The tokubetsu jounin’s pained expression was quite obvious. “Do you feel that…do you feel that your intimate relationship is…satisfying?”

Anko said that he had better be explicit. Easy enough. “Well, Iruka’s really creative! Remember that bit on your desk last month, Hokage-sama? Iruka’s brilliant idea! And that cuff incident, Ibiki-san? Also Iruka’s idea! And just last week, he did this _thing_ with a piece of cooper wire, a lemon, a velvet dress, and a set of French curves—”

Ibiki hit himself in the face with his clipboard.

“I’ll take it that you’re satisfied,” Tsunade said weakly.

“He’s the best lover I’ve ever had,” Kakashi announced. “Absolutely perfect. Plus, he can do this _move_ with his stomach that absolutely _blows_ my—”

“No! That’s enough!”

Ibiki hit himself in the face again.

“— _Plus_ he’s so flexible! Why, just yesterday, he was able to lick my—”

“STOP TALKING!” Tsunade bellowed, hands clawing at her ears and eyes.

“—And then he did this little thing with some electrical chakra—”

“I ORDER YOU TO STOP THIS, NOW!

Ibiki didn’t stop smacking himself with the clipboard.

“Well, you _asked_ ,” Kakashi said sulkily.

“Remind me to _never_ do that again.” Tsunade whimpered. “And you are _strictly_ forbidden from ever doing another dare from Anko _ever again_! My gods, my _brain_ …I can never un-hear that!”

“Yes, Hokage-sama.”

Ibiki hit himself once more, for good measure, just to make sure those images didn’t stay in his head.

Kakashi sat back, and waited for the other two to get their composure back.

Take _that_ , Anko and Gai!

He _so_ won that challenge and dare.

_x Fin x_


End file.
